Uncertainty

                                                      The Weight of Uncertainty

 

Lately, I find myself lost in the depths of my own mind, tangled in thoughts that refuse to settle. It feels as if life has become a relentless current, pulling me in different directions, yet leading nowhere. I wake up each day hoping for clarity, but I only find a growing sense of unease. Responsibilities stack up like an unpayable debt, and the weight of expectations presses against my chest, making even the smallest joys seem distant.

I used to believe that happiness was something we could hold onto and create for ourselves. But now, I wonder—where did that belief go? The things that once brought joy now feel hollow. Laughter comes easily in front of others, but deep inside, there is nothing. The world sees a version of me that smiles, nods, and goes through the motions, but no one seems to notice that I merely exist.

Going out with friends, which once meant laughter and shared memories, now feels like an obligation. I sit among them, listen to their stories, watch their happiness, and yet, I feel disconnected. Their worries seem lighter, their dreams seem closer, and I wonder if I am the only one drowning in this silent struggle. I want to be present, to laugh without the heaviness in my chest, but no matter how much I try, my mind pulls me back to reality—bills to pay, responsibilities to bear, a future that still looks uncertain. I always thought that by this age, things would start falling into place. That I would have a good job, stability, and a sense of direction. Instead, I feel like I am standing at the edge of a cliff, looking down at a path I cannot see. Everywhere I turn, there seems to be an invisible wall blocking my way forward. No progress, no success, just an endless cycle of trying and failing, hoping and being let down.

There are moments when I wish someone would notice. Not the version of me that the world sees, but the real me—the one who is struggling, the tired one, the one who just wants someone to ask, “Are you okay?” But that question never comes. People assume that because you seem fine, you are fine. They do not look beyond the surface; do not notice the exhaustion behind the smiles. Maybe it’s not their fault. Maybe I have become too good at pretending.

Yet, despite all this, I still hold onto hope. Maybe it is foolish, maybe it is naïve, but there is one thing that keeps me going. One thing that reminds me is that not everything is lost. I do not know where life is taking me, and I do not know if things will ever get easier. But for now, I will keep going. Because sometimes, even when everything feels like a mess, hope is the only thing we have left. Life is hard, and maybe it will always be. But I want to believe that one day, I will find my place. That one day, I will look back at this moment and realize that even in my lowest days, I was still moving forward.

Still have yet to find out where life is taking me too....

 Joice Joy😔