"LIFE AND THOUGHTS "

 

“Where is This Road Taking Me?”

 

Sometimes, I sit down and just stare at the wall or the ceiling. Not because something is interesting there, but because my mind is too full and too tired. I’m walking on a road, but I don’t know where it’s leading me. Every day feels like a loop — wake up, go to work, come back, sleep, and repeat. And in between all this, I carry a heavy bag of thoughts and worries, some that I don’t even fully understand myself.

Just like in “The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost , where the poet stands at a fork choosing between two uncertain paths, my life too feels stuck at a crossroads. I’ve taken a road that I had to choose  not because it was my dream, but because life pushed me toward it. And now, like the poet, I wonder what the other road might have led to. The confusion, the longing, and the quiet hope that maybe this path will still lead to something meaningful all mirror the poem’s deeper message. Both the poem and my story reflect the silent struggle of choosing a path when the future is unknown and finding strength to walk it anyway.

I’m doing a job right now, but truth be told, it’s not something I enjoy. It’s not what I pictured myself doing when I thought about my future years ago. But life doesn’t always ask us what we want. Sometimes, it just throws us into situations, and we have no choice but to go with the flow. We need money to live, to eat, to survive and for that, even if the job feels meaningless or draining, we still do it. But inside me, there’s a voice that constantly asks, “Is this all there is?” That voice gets louder every time I think about my dreams, my passions, and the career path I truly wanted to follow. And yet, I find myself stuck in the middle of survival and purpose. That’s the hardest part  being torn between what you want to do and what you have to do.

Some days are better than others. There are moments of hope, moments where I feel like maybe something good is just around the corner. But then there are days where everything crashes down. Days where I feel like I’ve been running in circles, not moving forward, just running out of breath. I apply for jobs, I try to plan ahead, I look for a sign  anything to guide me. But so far, things haven’t fallen into place. Nothing seems to be working the way I hoped. Right now, the biggest worry in my head is sponsorship. I have just one year. That single thought has taken over everything else. It’s not just about getting a job anymore, it’s about securing my future, staying here, and building a life that I’ve dreamt of. But time is slipping away fast, and I don’t know if I’ll make it. I’m doing everything I can, but what if that’s not enough?

This uncertainty is eating me up from the inside. It’s hard to stay calm when you have no clue where your life is going. I keep asking myself, “Am I the only one feeling this lost? Am I the only one worrying about things like this while others seem to be moving ahead so smoothly?” But deep down, I know I’m not alone. There are people out there just like me  people with dreams, people who are tired, confused, scared, and struggling. We don’t talk about these things enough. Social media shows success stories, happy lives, and big achievements. But what about the silent struggles? What about the people who cry themselves to sleep because they feel stuck and helpless? What about the ones who work hard every single day and still don’t get what they deserve? What about us? I think we all have our own battles. Mine is this current phase of life, where nothing is certain, nothing feels stable. I have responsibilities. I have bills to pay. I have people who depend on me. And I also have my own dreams that I don’t want to give up on. But juggling all of this together feels like trying to keep your head above water during a storm. There’s also guilt. Guilt that I’m not doing enough. Guilt that I’m not grateful enough for what I already have. Guilt that maybe I should just accept things as they are. But then again, I know that it’s okay to want more. It’s okay to feel lost. It’s okay to not have everything figured out.

All I want is some clarity. Some sign that tells me I’m going in the right direction. Some comfort in knowing that all this struggle will be worth it someday. I want to wake up one day and not feel this weight on my chest. I want to smile without pretending. I want to feel excited about life again. Until then, I’m just trying to hold on. One day at a time. One breath at a time. I remind myself that it’s okay to fall apart sometimes. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to feel weak. Because being human means feeling all of this — the confusion, the pain, the uncertainty, and still showing up the next day with a little hope.

Maybe this road I’m walking on is not a straight one. Maybe it has a lot of turns, bumps, and unexpected stops. But maybe, just maybe, it’s leading me to somewhere I can’t even imagine right now. Somewhere better. Somewhere peaceful. Somewhere where I feel like I belong. So if you’re reading this and you feel the same way  just know that you’re not alone. We’re in this together. Life is messy and uncertain, but we’ll find our way. It might not happen today or tomorrow, but someday, things will fall into place. And on that day, we’ll look back at this chaos and say, “It was tough, but I made it.”

Joice Joy