Hope on Borrowed Times

      Strength in Silent times

 

 There comes a point in life where silence feels heavier than words, and lately, I have been living in that space. I look around and wonder how I reached this moment — a place where I am trying to hold myself together while life keeps testing me in ways I never imagined. I am searching for stability, for direction, for some sign that I am on the right path, yet each day feels like walking on uncertain ground. I once dreamed of working in my field — a place where creativity breathes and passion has meaning. I studied, I prepared, and I built myself for a future I believed in. I imagined a life where my talent and effort would naturally guide me to the career I deserved. But reality often arrives uninvited, and it arrived harshly. Today I find myself in a healthcare job, not because it was my dream, but because survival sometimes leaves us no choice. I am grateful for the work, for the opportunity to serve, but a part of me aches quietly every day, longing to return to the world I belong to — my field, my art, my purpose.

And then there’s time — the ticking reminder I cannot escape. My visa is running out in a few months. People see me walking confidently, smiling, working, trying, but inside I am racing against an invisible clock. I do not know where life will take me next. I do not know whether I will finally get the job I worked so hard for, whether I will stay or go, succeed or stumble again. The unknown used to excite me once; now it scares me. There are days when I sit alone and think: Why is it so hard? Why does life push me so far into the corner before showing me a door? Why do dreams feel like a battle instead of a gift? I ask myself whether I am failing, whether I am losing, whether I deserve more than this constant waiting. I see others settling into their careers, building their lives, celebrating milestones, while I continue to walk a path filled with uncertainty and silent tears.

But here is the truth I never speak out loud — I still wake up and put on a happy face. I still laugh with people, still encourage others, still show the world a calm surface while inside my heart trembles like a leaf in the wind. I cry silently, not because I am weak, but because I am exhausted from fighting battles no one sees. And yet I refuse to let life break me. I refuse to let this struggle define me as defeated. If I must fall, I will fall trying. There is strength even in pain. I realized that life tests those it prepares for something greater. It places us in difficult situations not to punish us, but to build a story inside us — a story of perseverance, character, and resilience. Yes, I am scared. Yes, I feel lost. Yes, some days hope feels like a tiny spark flickering in a storm. But I am still walking. I am still breathing. And I am still holding on to the little pieces of faith that tell me this is not the end.

One day, when I look back, this will not be a chapter of suffering. It will be the chapter that shaped me. The chapter that forced me to dig deeper, trust harder, and rise stronger. I believe that the same God who brought me this far will not abandon me now. I believe the skills I worked so long to build will not go to waste. I believe opportunities will come when they are meant to, and what belongs to me will find its way to my hands. Until then, I will continue. I will smile even when my heart is tired. I will hope even when fear whispers louder. I will work hard in the job I have, while striving for the life I dream of. I will carry my pain quietly, not as a burden, but as a reminder that I am still alive, still fighting, still moving forward.

And one day, when the storms are behind me, I will speak about this time proudly. I will say: I did not give up. I didn’t stop when everything looked uncertain. I kept walking through the darkness until I found light again. That day will come. And when it does, all of this — every tear, every prayer, every lonely night — will make sense. For now, I am here, holding hope in shaking hands, but holding it still. I may not know where life is leading me, but I trust that I am being led. I am not finished yet. The story is still being written. And even on the days when smiling feels heavy, I smile — not because life is perfect, but because I believe in the day it will be.

                                                                        Joe❤️